How Long, Oh Lord?

Hello Bride of Christ! 

I want to share with you a message that Lord shared with me in 2017, a message of hope. I thought at the time it was for a book or He was trying to teach me patience, but now I see He was preparing me for this season of quarantine and to share here with you! 

Fickle Hearted?

Fall is a very fickle season where everything is in a constant state of change. Nature displays this state of being in a very tangible way. The mornings are often cold and dark requiring a jacket and maybe a sweater in some cases, followed by warm afternoons allowing for short sleeve shirts and flip flops in some areas, ending with sunsets as early as 5:30pm and cold brisk breeze causing jackets and sweaters to be needed again. Trees changing daily from green foliage to various red, orange, yellow hues before becoming completely bare. Days can vary from sunny to rainy to very breezy. Although fall is fickle and no day or even hour may be the same there lies a beauty within. Much like fall I find my fickle heart. What pleased my heart in the morning may not please my heart by afternoon, but may please my heart by evening. The season of fall reflects my fickle fallen heart.

How to identify a fickle fallen heart? How does the Lord respond to a fickle fallen heart? Can a fickle fallen heart be used by the Lord? Join me at taking a look at Psalm 13 to find out. 

Hopefulness to Gratefulness 

How long, oh Lord? A question echoed four times by David in the 13th Psalm as he cries out to the Lord to figure out his circumstance with his enemies. Although David is speaking of an enemy that is seeking to kill him and end his physical life I can relate to the desperation in begging the question: How long?

I often find myself asking this very question, How long, Oh Lord...

...will it take me to bind with my adopted son?

...will I feel guilty for blowing up and yelling at my children?

...will I need to wear a mask?

...will I need to quarantine?

..will I need to pay bills?

...will it take to potty train my 2 year old?

...will I need to work countless hours?

...will I need to ask for patience?

...will it be until I get a full nights rest void of interruptions?

Motherhood has left me asking this pointed question to the Lord time and time again, and maybe COVID-19 has brought you to this point. Like David I ask it because I desperately want to know when this uncomfortable and inconvenient circumstance or season will be over. Honestly the question never comes to mind during a time I thoroughly enjoy or find pleasurable. As I read through Psalm 13 I notice David goes through a heart change. Like David, motherhood / COVID-19, has caused my heart to panic and worry about duration, but soon that fear is coupled with abandonment... "Will you forget my forever?" (vs1) Oh I feel so lonely parenting. Not that I am parenting alone, because I am not, I have a husband and family that help out tremendously with the boys. But I often feel alone in sentiment. Alone in being overwhelmed by my children. Alone in not enjoying all aspects of parenting. Alone in needing a break every day. Alone in the frustration of having to repeat and redo. Alone.  

But of course fear of the unknown duration and abandonment are not enough. Along comes shame… “How long will you hide your face from me?” (vs1) Shame of not being the mother I perceive God and society to desire me to be. Shame to not feel that children are a blessing. Shame to be exhausted, spent, not able to keep up. 

With these three amigos (fear, loneliness, shame) I begin to look inward as David taking counsel in his soul (vs2)… which results in daily sorrow, since David and I both know our souls do not have the answer. We know that God is the only one that can provide the answer. And with no answer I, like David, feel defeated. “How long will my enemy be exalted over me?” (vs2)

He begins the Psalm with a desperate and lonely cry out to the Lord, but as the Psalm progresses he ends up in song and praise. Some may say David was an emotional wreck during this moment, but I see a change in perspective. Like David I need to change my perspective. Instead of focusing on the how long, when can this be over attitude, I need to ask like David for the Lord to provide me enlightenment.(vs3) A need to understand the various pieces of what is currently going on, an internal reflection of what is causing me to feel trapped, uncertain, and wanting it to be over. It is serious, there is a lot at stake if we don't change and pray to the living God (vs3-4) - death, enemies false victory. It is with this enlightenment / understanding that David is then able to change his perspective and get a clearer picture of how good the Lord has been to him, and begin to feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude which causes him to end the Psalm in song (vs5). Focusing on the Lord’s love for me and His goodness towards me helps me to no longer care about knowing how long something will last. I get lost in His love and His presence so deeply I am no longer concerned with time (vs6). 

In closing I want to encourage you all to change perspective and focus on the Lord’s goodness towards you. Reflect on how the Lord has caused you to endure tough parenting moments and even how He has made you to profit from it. Allow gratitude to fill your heart and overflow into praise! When you are caught in the situation or moment which causes you to think “How long, oh Lord” practice changing perspective and begin to thank the Lord for all He has already done in your life! It will make the time fly by and leave your heart filled with joy!